Center for Biblical Theology and Eschatology

The Importance of Disciplining Children Early

by Mark Benedict

(December 8, 2002)

As the parents of two children, now 22, and 20 years old respectively, my wife Sallie and I attempted to be students of human nature and the Bible's teachings on parenting. Even before our first child, Ruth, was born, we studied the Bible and searched other books written by godly men for wisdom on raising children. We had the good fortune to come across an old book by John R. Rice, a fundamentalist Southern Baptist Preacher from Tennessee, who greatly influenced our approach to discipline.

Brother Rice came from a family where the rod, usually a switch from a convenient willow tree, was firmly applied to his backside by his parents at the first sign of need. By his own admission, he was a strong willed child, and frequently needed applications of the rod! Brother Rice's down to earth and practical explanation of scriptures convinced us that if we really loved our children we would discipline them early and often! Consequently, when our children were old enough to crawl they had already learned to immediately stop whatever they were doing when Sallie or I said the word “No!” 

A fundamental part of our approach to discipline was to be sure we were just as quick to show affection as to apply discipline.  Our children responded positively to this approach. More than once, friends, looking through our family photo albums, remarked that our children seemed especially happy. They truly were happy children, and they brought us a great deal of happiness in return. The happiest and most and secure children are those consistently well-disciplined by loving parents from the very start of their lives.

The battle for a child's heart is fought early. We've observed many times that parents who fail to gain firm control over their young children lose what tenuous grip they have as the children get older and smarter. Children, once accustomed to getting their own way, learn how to manipulate and bully their own parents, particularly their mother.

It's the mother's nature to be tender and kind. She spends much more time with young children so if she doesn't understand the principles of scriptural discipline the children will be especially difficult to manage. Proverbs 29:15 says “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.” The disgrace mentioned here is attributed to the mother, which strongly implies that the mother personally bears much of the responsibility for the early use of the rod.

This scripture wisely warns us against the human tendency to let children go their own way and thus avoid the temporary unpleasantness of discipline. Mothers, in particular, have a tendency to overlook disobedience, while fathers may tend to excessive strictness. Unless father and mother work well together as a team, each encouraging the other, the mother may fail to maintain consistent firmness towards the young children and thus "spoil them."  Likewise, the mother's gentle influence on the father works to overcome any tendency to be overly harsh as the children grow older. The very best discipline occurs when father and mother work together as a loving team to nurture and guide their children into an obedient faith in Christ.

One fruit of properly training children when young, is that later, as young adults, they will have the right attitude towards authority. Well-trained children are easily recognized by other adults for their good behavior and good manners.  They grow up with the necessary social skills to be successful in every facet of life.  Because they rarely experience the rejection that undisciplined children experience from both adults and other children, they tend to be happier and well-adjusted in emotional temperament. 

However, successful parenting does not result in children that never make mistakes, or there would be no successful parents! We should not require, nor expect our children to be perfect. As parents, we should be satisfied when they habitually show respect, have a sincere regard for spiritual things, and demonstrate genuine trust in Christ by appropriate Christian conduct among their friends and peers.

Parenting is never quite done, and no parent should rest on their laurels. We should pray with vigilance for our children's continued spiritual welfare and growth. However, each day our children must assume more responsibility for their own spiritual walk.

It has become common place in most evangelical churches to have families, after being long time members and regular attendees of a church, to suddenly announced the breakup of a marriage. Everyone is shocked by the swiftness of family breakups, and often surprised to discover that under the facade of a happy family there was actually trouble and unrest brewing.  

Likewise, when Christian children rebel and leave home to live in open sin, despite a Christian upbringing, it often comes as a surprise to others in the Church. It should not be a surprise, for even as Christians we are not immune from the exposure to the growing immorality in western society. We are shielded and protected from sin only when we walk in daily obedience to God.  Frankly, there are many Christians today who have lost their confidence when it comes even to their own family. They really doubt whether they can hold everything together and succeed as husbands, wives, fathers, and mothers.  This lack of confidence is in part the result of Christians not holding firm to the Word of God in their daily lifestyles.

Sallie and I believe every Christian has a right to be confident, but only if their house is built on the solid bedrock of a genuine foundation in God's Word. As we look around to see Christian homes disintegrating it is impossible to ignore the daily influence of evil in our culture. Temptation has never been more accessible. If you are viewing this on the World Wide Web you are only too aware of the rampant immorality and sinfulness that resides in the heart of man. It's now just a mouse click away on the Internet. 

The traditional family undergoes a media assault every night during prime time television as  Hollywood does their very best to redefine the family to conform with the distorted image of an increasingly anti-Christian secular humanism. The fruits of this perverse philosophy are all too evident in the crime and immorality which pervades our society. We are seeing 12 year old children committing murder while social experts, the new “wise men” of our age, scratch their heads and debate on talk television whether the perverse TV morals and violence are adversely affecting the fabric of our society.

The reason many Christians are being swept along in this flood of evil is they have lost touch with the foundations of their faith. Many Christians are woefully ignorant of scripture, preferring to find their answers in self-help books.  Most Christian bookstores are now stocked with many new titles written by "Christian" experts, integrating worldly philosophy with Bible teachings.   These popular books are often unholy mixtures of profane ideas with some Christian principles, frequently supported by careless interpretation of Bible texts.  This useless mixture is like contaminated salt which lost it's flavor and should be discarded.   

Christ promised at the end of days to shake everything that could be shaken. If we ourselves build our houses on the false doctrines of the world, and fail to hold tightly to God's Word, we should not be surprised at the collapse when it arrives. Strong foundations, or the lack of them, show up only under strain, when the building stands strong under stress or begins to collapse. If you are seeing stress cracks in your family's foundation you need reinforce them right now, before it's too late!

God is faithful, but to have a well built house we must obey His Word. In the parable in Luke 6, digging deep speaks of our labor and persistence in clearing away the loose and shifting sands of this world's falsehoods to find the solid bedrock of truth in Christ Jesus. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  We can trust Him to give us success in parenting, if we hold firmly to His word.

Is your spiritual confidence built on a solid foundation of scriptural understanding and obedience? If so, you will not be disappointed when the inevitable storm brings the flood. A house built on the foundation of solid rock will stand firm against any flood.