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Author Topic: Kids! Gotta Love Em  (Read 8528 times)

Blade

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Re: Kids! Gotta Love Em
« Reply #15 on: May 10, 2004, 08:30:04 AM »
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table,
she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to
say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.

 The daughter bowed her head and said,

"George, why on earth did you invite all these people to dinner?"   

Blade

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Re: Kids! Gotta Love Em
« Reply #16 on: May 29, 2004, 04:32:48 AM »
Things Kids actually said in Sunday School

This is a collection of Interesting facts revealed by young people in Sunday school.
 
The first book of the Bible is Guiness, in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the acts of the apostles.
Unleavened bread is bread made without ingredients.
Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 commandments.
The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery."
The people who followed Jesus was called the 12 decibals.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew.
Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony. 

Blade

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Re: Kids! Gotta Love Em
« Reply #17 on: June 09, 2004, 05:10:53 AM »

Minister: Do you know what's in the Bible?
Little Girl: Yes. I think I know everything that's in it.
Minister: You do? Tell me.
Little Girl: OK. There's a picture of my brother's girlfriend, a ticket from the dry cleaners, one of my curls, and a Pizza Hut coupon.

Blade

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Re: Kids! Gotta Love Em
« Reply #18 on: June 20, 2004, 03:12:38 AM »
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the ailse, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, I was just doing as I was told. "I was being the Ring Bear."

Gameboy

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Re: Kids! Gotta Love Em
« Reply #19 on: June 29, 2004, 05:02:23 AM »
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the
way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what
was wrong. Finally, the boy replied,

"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

Blade

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Re: Kids! Gotta Love Em
« Reply #20 on: September 08, 2004, 07:42:26 AM »
Teacher: John, Can you tell us what a Syntax is?

John: A Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

Kyle

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Re: Kids! Gotta Love Em
« Reply #21 on: September 26, 2004, 04:14:08 AM »
Things Kids actually said:

(being a husband, my favorite)

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.


(My kids favorite)
Dear GOD,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?


Sandy

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Re: Kids! Gotta Love Em
« Reply #22 on: October 07, 2004, 04:43:37 PM »
WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)
 
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

 "Don't what?" Adam replied.

 "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
 
 "Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve, we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"

 "Do NOT eat the FRUIT

 "Why"

 "Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

 "Uh huh," Adam replied.

 "Then why did you?" said the Father.

 "I don't know," said Eve.

 "She started it!" Adam said

 "Did not!"

 "Did too!"

 "DID NOT!"
 
 Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

 BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

 THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
 1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
 2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
 4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
 5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
 6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

 ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

 AND FINALLY:

 IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
 
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

Sandy

Blade

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Re: Kids! Gotta Love Em
« Reply #23 on: January 04, 2005, 05:31:18 AM »
An eight year girl is trying to check out a book entitled "Advice for Young Mothers" from the local library.

Librarian: Now why do you want to check out this particular book, dear?

Little girl: I collect moths.

Blade

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Re: Kids! Gotta Love Em
« Reply #24 on: February 02, 2007, 12:11:52 AM »
Smack your kid once a day. Even if you don't know what he did.
Cause he'll know what he's done and he'll wonder how you found out.

Blade

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Re: Kids! Gotta Love Em
« Reply #25 on: December 13, 2017, 08:06:43 PM »
This very very fat man was sitting in the park eating a Mcdonalds hamburger and this little boy was walking by. He just stopped and he stared at him and said, "Whoa." The fat man asked him, "Boy, whatchu lookin' at?" The little boy replied in all seriousness, "I can't even fit all of you in my eyes."

 


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