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Author Topic: Political Humor  (Read 11936 times)

Lawrence Man

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Political Humor
« on: April 22, 2005, 11:13:06 PM »
here goes....

The Pope visits Washington and President Bush takes him for a ride down the Potomac on the presidential yacht. They're enjoying themselves when a gust of wind blows the Pope's hat (zucchetto) off and out onto the water. The Secret Service begins to launch a boat but Bush waves them off saying, "Wait. I'll take care of this."

Bush steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water, walks out a ways and picks up the hat. Back on board, he hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.

The next morning the Washington Post carries the story complete with photos under the heading Bush Can't Swim.

Hahaha... I thought it was alright even if you don't support Bush.

God Bless!
I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
- Romans 8:18

Philly Dawg

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Re: Political Humor
« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2005, 03:07:11 AM »

in the interest of fair play..

The Bushes and Clintons on a Train

George and Laura Bush and Bill and Hillary Clinton are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station Bill and Hillary Clinton each buy a ticket and watch as George and Laura Bush buy just one ticket. "How are the two of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks Bill, astonished at what he is seeing. "Watch and learn," answers George W.

They all board the train. Bill and Hillary Clinton take their respective seats but George W. and Laura Bush cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand... The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Clintons see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after the game they decide to try a similar plan on the return trip.

When they get to the station, they see the Bush's at the window buying a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Bush's see that the Clintons don't buy any tickets at all. "Aren't you taking a terrible chance by traveling without a ticket?" says Bush. "wait and learn," answers Hillary Clinton.

When they board the train the Clintons cram themselves into a toilet and the Bushs cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train leaves the station, Bill Clinton leaves his toilet and walks over to the Bush's toilet, knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please."

Bush sticks his hand out and clinton takes the ticket, returns to his toilet with Hilary and says, "Man, that guy's dumb!"

Hahaha... I thought it was alright even if you do support Bush.

God Bless!
  Kellyanne Conway: Sometimes Trump Lies Because
 He Doesn't Know the Truth, Okay?

Lawrence Man

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Re: Political Humor
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2005, 07:42:00 PM »
hahaha; it certainly was clever.


As a side note, I oppose both Bush and liberals... just in case I gave the impression that I was an avid Bush fan or something :)

I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
- Romans 8:18

Blade

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Re: Political Humor
« Reply #3 on: April 26, 2005, 10:04:42 AM »

Actually, they were both quite funny  :laugh:

  Got any More?

Reformed Baptist

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Re: Political Humor
« Reply #4 on: April 26, 2005, 06:16:24 PM »

  Got any More?


"Vermont Senator James Jeffords is being called a hero today after he chased down a teenager who stole a wallet from his daughter-in-law on Capitol Hill. How fat are our kids getting when they're being run down by 68-year-old senators. ... At one point Jeffords yelled out 'Stop thief' and two hundred congressmen froze." óJay Leno

matt205

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Re: Political Humor
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2005, 04:17:56 AM »
OK, I'll bite.

Question:
 Bill O'Reilly, Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Edward Kennedy are in a boat in the middle of the ocean. The boat is sinking. Who gets saved?


Answer:
 The American People! 

Chicago Bear

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Re: Political Humor
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2005, 04:33:59 AM »

Question: What were Senator Strom Thurmon's three hardest years?

Answer: Second grade.

Either the Bible will Keep you from Sin, or sin will keep you from the Bible

yaboo

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Re: Political Humor
« Reply #7 on: May 09, 2005, 06:11:00 AM »
Some scholars have argued [that] the Constitution clearly states only Congress can declare war, and they are not allowed to simply delegate that authority to the president. However, congress can get around that with the legal technique of taking the word 'constitution' and adding the word 'shmonstitution' to the end of it. óJon Stewart

Gameboy

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Re: Political Humor
« Reply #8 on: May 22, 2005, 06:02:57 AM »

"Earlier this week the Senate voted 97-to-0 for tougher regulations. For example, when corporations buy a senator, they must now get a receipt."

Blade

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Re: George W. Bush's Intelligence Quiz
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2005, 10:46:29 AM »
   
George W. Bush's Intelligence Quiz

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dummy."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dummy, It's Tony Blair!"
 

Philly Dawg

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Re: Political Humor
« Reply #10 on: June 28, 2005, 05:16:04 AM »
How the Bush Administration Changes a Light Bulb

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

Three!
 One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
 One to attack the Patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
 One to blame President Clinton for burning out the light bulb;

  Kellyanne Conway: Sometimes Trump Lies Because
 He Doesn't Know the Truth, Okay?

Philly Dawg

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Re: Political Humor
« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2005, 04:16:14 AM »

Question:
 What's the difference between the Vietnam War and the Iraq War?


Answer:
 George Bush had a plan to get out of the Vietnam War! He got out of the vietnam war via his cowardly hiding in the National Guard, now his plan has been to get the National Guard into the Vietnam war!

How different it is when you're not the kid being sent to the war Zone! WHAT A JOKE!

  Kellyanne Conway: Sometimes Trump Lies Because
 He Doesn't Know the Truth, Okay?

splat

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Re: Political Humor
« Reply #12 on: October 04, 2005, 12:09:17 PM »
The Republican party hired IBM's consultancy group to use the amazing computational resources available to their labs to design an algorithm to calculate the vote value of each of their various political ideas. 

The Democrats got wind of this and decided that they needed to do the same thing, but IBM turned them down.  The Democrats were incensed at being rejected and suspected some sort of preferential treatment being offered to the Republicans.  They had their attorneys contact the IBM consultants and inquired as to what was going on. 

The IBM consultants responded with a simple explanation.  Division by zero is impossible, even for big blue.


Sportsnut

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Re: The Government and Cows
« Reply #13 on: October 16, 2005, 10:54:47 AM »

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can
track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where
she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to their
stalls as well.

But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens, a half million crack dealers that everyone knows are dealers, or the obvious person who revealed a CIA operative's name, when everyone else knows who it is?

Maybe we should give them all a cow!


Philly Dawg

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Re: Political Humor
« Reply #14 on: May 07, 2006, 02:03:57 PM »
How the Bush Administration Changes a Light Bulb

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

1. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;

2. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;

3. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;

7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;

8. One to viciously smear #7;

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush  has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;

10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and twisting in Iraq.
  Kellyanne Conway: Sometimes Trump Lies Because
 He Doesn't Know the Truth, Okay?

 


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