The Mountain Retreat

Community Discussions => Humor => Topic started by: Lawrence Man on April 22, 2005, 11:13:06 PM

Title: Political Humor
Post by: Lawrence Man on April 22, 2005, 11:13:06 PM
here goes....

The Pope visits Washington and President Bush takes him for a ride down the Potomac on the presidential yacht. They're enjoying themselves when a gust of wind blows the Pope's hat (zucchetto) off and out onto the water. The Secret Service begins to launch a boat but Bush waves them off saying, "Wait. I'll take care of this."

Bush steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water, walks out a ways and picks up the hat. Back on board, he hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.

The next morning the Washington Post carries the story complete with photos under the heading Bush Can't Swim.

Hahaha... I thought it was alright even if you don't support Bush.

God Bless!
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on April 24, 2005, 03:07:11 AM

in the interest of fair play..

The Bushes and Clintons on a Train

George and Laura Bush and Bill and Hillary Clinton are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station Bill and Hillary Clinton each buy a ticket and watch as George and Laura Bush buy just one ticket. "How are the two of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks Bill, astonished at what he is seeing. "Watch and learn," answers George W.

They all board the train. Bill and Hillary Clinton take their respective seats but George W. and Laura Bush cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand... The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Clintons see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after the game they decide to try a similar plan on the return trip.

When they get to the station, they see the Bush's at the window buying a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Bush's see that the Clintons don't buy any tickets at all. "Aren't you taking a terrible chance by traveling without a ticket?" says Bush. "wait and learn," answers Hillary Clinton.

When they board the train the Clintons cram themselves into a toilet and the Bushs cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train leaves the station, Bill Clinton leaves his toilet and walks over to the Bush's toilet, knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please."

Bush sticks his hand out and clinton takes the ticket, returns to his toilet with Hilary and says, "Man, that guy's dumb!"

Hahaha... I thought it was alright even if you do support Bush.

God Bless!
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Lawrence Man on April 24, 2005, 07:42:00 PM
hahaha; it certainly was clever.


As a side note, I oppose both Bush and liberals... just in case I gave the impression that I was an avid Bush fan or something :)

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Blade on April 26, 2005, 10:04:42 AM

Actually, they were both quite funny  :laugh:

  Got any More?
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Reformed Baptist on April 26, 2005, 06:16:24 PM

  Got any More?


"Vermont Senator James Jeffords is being called a hero today after he chased down a teenager who stole a wallet from his daughter-in-law on Capitol Hill. How fat are our kids getting when they're being run down by 68-year-old senators. ... At one point Jeffords yelled out 'Stop thief' and two hundred congressmen froze." —Jay Leno
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: matt205 on April 28, 2005, 04:17:56 AM
OK, I'll bite.

Question:
 Bill O'Reilly, Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Edward Kennedy are in a boat in the middle of the ocean. The boat is sinking. Who gets saved?


Answer:
 The American People! 
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Chicago Bear on May 07, 2005, 04:33:59 AM

Question: What were Senator Strom Thurmon's three hardest years?

Answer: Second grade.

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: yaboo on May 09, 2005, 06:11:00 AM
Some scholars have argued [that] the Constitution clearly states only Congress can declare war, and they are not allowed to simply delegate that authority to the president. However, congress can get around that with the legal technique of taking the word 'constitution' and adding the word 'shmonstitution' to the end of it. —Jon Stewart
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Gameboy on May 22, 2005, 06:02:57 AM

"Earlier this week the Senate voted 97-to-0 for tougher regulations. For example, when corporations buy a senator, they must now get a receipt."
Title: Re: George W. Bush's Intelligence Quiz
Post by: Blade on May 31, 2005, 10:46:29 AM
   
George W. Bush's Intelligence Quiz

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dummy."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dummy, It's Tony Blair!"
 
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on June 28, 2005, 05:16:04 AM
How the Bush Administration Changes a Light Bulb

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

Three!
 One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
 One to attack the Patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
 One to blame President Clinton for burning out the light bulb;

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on October 01, 2005, 04:16:14 AM

Question:
 What's the difference between the Vietnam War and the Iraq War?


Answer:
 George Bush had a plan to get out of the Vietnam War! He got out of the vietnam war via his cowardly hiding in the National Guard, now his plan has been to get the National Guard into the Vietnam war!

How different it is when you're not the kid being sent to the war Zone! WHAT A JOKE!

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: splat on October 04, 2005, 12:09:17 PM
The Republican party hired IBM's consultancy group to use the amazing computational resources available to their labs to design an algorithm to calculate the vote value of each of their various political ideas. 

The Democrats got wind of this and decided that they needed to do the same thing, but IBM turned them down.  The Democrats were incensed at being rejected and suspected some sort of preferential treatment being offered to the Republicans.  They had their attorneys contact the IBM consultants and inquired as to what was going on. 

The IBM consultants responded with a simple explanation.  Division by zero is impossible, even for big blue.

Title: Re: The Government and Cows
Post by: Sportsnut on October 16, 2005, 10:54:47 AM

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can
track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where
she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to their
stalls as well.

But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens, a half million crack dealers that everyone knows are dealers, or the obvious person who revealed a CIA operative's name, when everyone else knows who it is?

Maybe we should give them all a cow!

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on May 07, 2006, 02:03:57 PM
How the Bush Administration Changes a Light Bulb

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

1. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;

2. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;

3. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;

7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;

8. One to viciously smear #7;

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush  has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;

10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and twisting in Iraq.
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Messenger on April 10, 2007, 09:15:21 AM
Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?" .
The barman says "Yes, thats them."
So the guy walks over and says,"Hello, what are u guys doing?"

Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"

Guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one
bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!

" Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, " See, I told you no-one would worry
about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Messenger on May 04, 2007, 01:40:49 AM
 Bush's Favor   
 
  George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning his speech to a group of businessmen, when a little man walks up to him. "Excuse me, Mr. Bush, but my name is Steve Case, and I'm here with an extremely important client tonight. We're going to see your speech tonight, and it would be a great help to me if, when we walk by, you could impress him by saying, 'Hello, Steve'."
Bush readily agrees, and fifteen minutes later, the little man walks by, deep in conversation with his client.

Bush came up and said, "Hello, Steve."

 
The little man says, "Buzz off, Bush! I'm in a meeting," and keeps walking.
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: rebekahsmom on May 04, 2007, 12:14:04 PM
 :) It was funny But>
Now that I think about it was just mean.  I thought we are suppose to respect our authority?   :-\
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Penne on May 04, 2007, 03:55:45 PM
:) It was funny But>
Now that I think about it was just mean.  I thought we are suppose to respect our authority?   :-\


I found the joke to be hilarious with no ill intentions toward Bush.  Messenger lives in India so Bush isn’t his president anyway. ;)

Penne
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: broken1 on May 05, 2007, 07:48:10 AM
U.S. President jokes told by foreigners are usually to bash the United States and those told by Americans are usually told to bash the other party. They are rarely funny because of the subtle politcal agenda behind them. When you insult any president you also insult more than half of the voters, so not very smart of you.

God bless America, and President George W. Bush.
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: broken1 on May 05, 2007, 08:17:15 AM
I see now I wound up in a "Political Humor" place which is suffering a famine of humor.

Here's a "joke" not aimed at a great American president, but at a party of liberal dunderheads in general. (This is the U.S. version, but liberal dunderheads are present in every in every country on every continent.)

How Many Democrats Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?

Four hundred and seventy one:

12 to investigate the Texas Oil Industries involvement in the failure of the old bulb,

23 to reregulate the light bulb industry,

16 to demand funding for alternative lighting R&D,

34 to increase the marginal tax rate on high-wattage light bulbs,

9 to threaten trade sanctions if Germany and Japan don't start buying more 110-volt bulbs,

53 to design a block grant so the states can change the bulb,

40 to fully fund a new "volunteer" youth program which guarantees $10.00 per hour for anyone who can write an essay about why the environment and whales will be saved if light bulbs are changed.

43 to organize a protest including the NAACP, NEA and AFL-CIO to demand reparations for all building janitors who have slaved to
change light bulbs all by themselves for decades.

35 to take polls in California to prove that if the bulb really needed to be changed, Californians would have already formed an
encounter group, funded a multi cultural task force and have assigned homo and transsexual experts.

41 to chat with defense contractors about equipping everyone in the building with night-vision gear instead, and

165 to pass a law making it illegal to discuss naked bulbs on the Internet.

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Messenger on May 06, 2007, 12:10:53 AM
Quote
U.S. President jokes told by foreigners are usually to bash the United States and those told by Americans are usually told to bash the other party. They are rarely funny because of the subtle politcal agenda behind them. When you insult any president you also insult more than half of the voters, so not very smart of you.

God bless America, and President George W. Bush.


Hi Shabar,

My intention was not to bash United States nor it's President. It was just a joke and needs to be taken in the right spirit.

If you call me a foreigner just becoz I am not from United States ,let me remind you this is a Biblical Christian Board and I am no foriegner to this Board. I respect President George Bush and please dont put words in People's mouth that I don't.

I dont want to spoil the humour mood in this section, therefore have fun everyone and post something in here that will make us laugh and relieve stress in our lives.

Messenger

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: andreas on May 06, 2007, 01:10:05 AM
<<<U.S. President jokes told by foreigners are usually to bash the United States and those told by Americans are usually told to bash the other party. They are rarely funny because of the subtle politcal agenda behind them. When you insult any president you also insult more than half of the voters, so not very smart of you.>>>

Have you forgotten what the word of God tells us?

12 Now this I say, that every one of you saith, I am of Paul; and I of Apollos; and I of Cephas; and I of Christ.
13 Is Christ divided? was Paul crucified for you? or were ye baptized in the name of Paul?
14 I thank God that I baptized none of you, but Crispus and Gaius;
15 Lest any should say that I had baptized in mine own name.
16 And I baptized also the household of Stephanas: besides, I know not whether I baptized any other.
17 For Christ sent me not to baptize, but to preach the gospel: not with wisdom of words, lest the cross of Christ should be made of none effect. 1 Corinthians 1.


25 But after that faith is come, we are no longer under a schoolmaster.
26 For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.
27 For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.
28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3.

13 For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit. 1 Corinthians 12.

I see no reason to call your brother a foreigner,because, we are all one in Christ,and we know no borders nor boundaries.

andreas.
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on February 08, 2019, 03:05:48 AM

Deal or No Deal - Cold Open - SNL

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on May 07, 2019, 11:22:47 AM
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on May 10, 2019, 07:25:04 AM
Don Jr. Subpoenaed as Trump Lies About Mueller Report

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on May 10, 2019, 07:40:51 AM
Trump LOVES Showing Athletes The Lincoln Bedroom

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on May 12, 2019, 05:07:20 AM
Trump Plays Tough Guy With China

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: miriamguimel on May 18, 2019, 12:16:22 PM
Great
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on May 19, 2019, 01:48:51 PM
Weekend Update: Jeanine Pirro on Her Fox News Suspension - SNL

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on May 23, 2019, 06:34:41 AM

Stop Investigating Me!   Or Else!

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on May 23, 2019, 06:44:00 AM

Deleted
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on June 13, 2019, 12:47:34 AM

Trump Lies About His Poll Numbers After Iowa Speech

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on June 14, 2019, 10:00:07 AM
Trump Says He’d Take Foreign Dirt on a 2020 Opponent


Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on June 15, 2019, 07:43:35 AM
Jimmy Kimmel Live & Sarah

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on June 18, 2019, 12:14:23 AM
A Closer Look with Seth Meyers: Funny or Pathetic?

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on June 25, 2019, 04:29:55 AM
Trump Almost Started a War with Iran

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on June 27, 2019, 05:09:33 AM
1st Debate of the Democrats A Disaster

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: David Knoles on June 27, 2019, 01:17:30 PM
About time you made fun of the Democrats.
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on June 28, 2019, 01:03:54 PM
About time you made fun of the Democrats.

The Republicans have a comedy show that gets lots of laughs, it's called "Fox & Friends."  :)

Seriously, it's not my fault Republicans have no sense of humor and don't do late nite comedy.
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on July 17, 2019, 03:20:25 AM
Scandal Fatigue - Trump's Racist Attacks on Minority Congresswomen

Title: Trump Out Race Baiting for 2020 Again
Post by: Philly Dawg on July 17, 2019, 03:21:37 AM
Trump Out Race Baiting for 2020 Again

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on July 25, 2019, 03:22:14 AM
Robert Mueller Has Had Enough of Republicans at Congressional Hearing

Title: Trump Lies About Robert Mueller’s Testimony
Post by: Philly Dawg on July 26, 2019, 05:20:27 AM

Trump Lies About Robert Mueller’s Testimony

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on August 06, 2019, 02:25:22 AM
America's Gun Culture

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on August 07, 2019, 03:14:03 PM
El Paso, Rhetoric and the False Google Charges

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on August 10, 2019, 12:35:59 AM

Trump Talks Political Fights as He Visits Dayton & El Paso

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on August 15, 2019, 02:30:26 AM

Epstein Death Sets Off Wild Wave Of Conspiracy Theories

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on August 17, 2019, 10:38:32 AM
Trump Freaks Out About the Possibility of A Recession

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on September 06, 2019, 05:41:39 AM
Trump Keeps Lying About Hurricane Dorian and Alabama

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on September 11, 2019, 12:42:09 AM


Trump Faces Scrutiny Over Personal Properties, Hurricane Lies: A Closer Look

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on September 17, 2019, 06:58:54 AM
The Brilliance of Dave Chappelle

So Funny, It's Not Funny!


Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Stan Pat on September 17, 2019, 03:51:07 PM

But now he's had his chance and he's proven double times over that he is the bad seed.

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: ZeroCool on September 17, 2019, 05:30:26 PM

Humorous, but not humorous. Right?
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on September 17, 2019, 11:02:53 PM
Humorous, but not humorous. Right?

A stain on the very fabric of this country, integrity and honor. It's all gone in this country, and particularly among Christian Republicans.
Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on September 19, 2019, 11:03:16 PM

A Closer Look: Whistleblower Claims Trump Made “Troubling” Promise to Foreign Leader

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on September 24, 2019, 03:21:54 AM

Trump Pressured Ukraine to Meddle in the 2020 Election

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on September 30, 2019, 06:04:19 PM

Rudy Giuliani Is At The Center Of Trump's Whirling Corrupt-Nado

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on October 02, 2019, 07:38:55 AM


Stephen Colbert: Trump Wants To Out The Whistleblower

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on October 05, 2019, 12:19:58 AM

Trump Is Having an Impeachment Meltdown

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on October 10, 2019, 12:12:25 AM

President Trump, In His 'Great And Unmatched Wisdom,' Decides To Abandon Kurds

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on October 22, 2019, 04:37:58 AM

Trump Lashes Out After G7 Controversy, Mulvaney’s Ukraine Confession

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on October 23, 2019, 02:46:06 AM

Trump Campaign Sells 'Get Over It' Shirts After Mulvaney's Quid Pro Quo Admission

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on October 24, 2019, 05:05:45 AM

Colbert Gets A Surprise Visit From Rudy Giuliani

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on October 25, 2019, 01:26:34 AM

Republicans Can’t Defend Trump’s Corrupt Abuses of Power

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on November 01, 2019, 07:07:33 AM

White House Intentionally Left Words Out Of The Trump-Ukraine Transcript

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on November 02, 2019, 04:39:15 AM

Hey! Trump Allies Attack Lt. Col. Vindman

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on November 03, 2019, 01:12:32 AM

Team Trump is Mad at Jimmy Kimmel

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on November 07, 2019, 12:47:08 AM

GOP Flunkies Attempt to Out Ukraine Whistleblower:

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on November 07, 2019, 01:09:18 AM

Trump's GOP Defenders Are Backed Into A Corner

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on November 09, 2019, 12:09:52 AM

We Have a Crazy Person Running Our Country

Title: Re: Political Humor
Post by: Philly Dawg on November 15, 2019, 12:25:26 AM

Trump’s Impeachment Hearings Begin ON TV