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Author Topic: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?  (Read 33351 times)

cindyw

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Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« on: May 13, 2004, 12:56:55 PM »
Hey all,

I have a dilemma which I pretty much know what I should do and probably will do, but want some more counsel.   I know many on this board are not "compromising" Christians, but truly uphold the Word of God as the source of Christian living and decision making---so that's why I come here with this question, because I value your input.

My sister who adamantly professes to believe in Jesus Christ as her Lord and savior and even got angry with me when I questioned her faith, is marrying a person who is not a Christian.    Presently she is living with him and has been for quite some time----we have discussed that as well.   She says she knows she is "in sin", but the Lord "understands" and He forgives her.   Anyways, her wedding is coming up in August.   My husband and I have discussed this and feel the same way:   we should not attend the wedding since she profusely professes to be a believer and she is being joined to an unbeliever----something the Lord prohibits (if she were an unbeliever marrying an unbeliever, there would be no issue).  We could not sit there in joy or wish them well when we know their actions are at odds with the Lord------it would be sin to us to do so.   Anyways, who would want people at their wedding who are sitting them glumly and will not wish them God's blessings on a union they don't believe God blesses?

Many Christians answered a question I had on another Christian board saying--- "though we know what she is doing is sin, you should be there to support her because she will have a tough time at marriage with an unbeliever and you shouldn't want to place any roadblocks on your relationship due to your non-attendance----as it will bring great offense"........

To me, that position appears to be a position of compromise concerning the Truth and our actions as believers.   I KNOW my family will be offended and some may not speak with me.   My dad, who I'm sure knows about my feelings from speaking with my brother (who is a Christian and will attend her wedding) has already it seems, distanced himself from me.........It's a sad thing and extremely hard for me as I'm sure you all can imagine.   Thanks for words of counsel.   Many Blessings in Jesus, Cindy

Tony Warren

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Re: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2004, 02:05:48 PM »
>>>
Many Christians answered a question I had on another Christian board saying--- "though we know what she is doing is sin, you should be there to support her because she will have a tough time at marriage with an unbeliever and you shouldn't want to place any roadblocks on your relationship due to your non-attendance----as it will bring great offense
<<<

This is an all to common problem in our day. It probably affects most Christian families in one way or another.

I would first have a talk with her, not judgmentally, but simply to address the biblical reasons why you feel you cannot attend the Covenant ceremony of joining of an unbeliever with a believer.

2nd Corinthians 6:14
  • "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"

A marriage is a Covenant relationship and should only be between God's children. I would very kindly explain to her that you cannot in good conscience be a participant in such a Marriage covenant. Yes, I'm sure that decision will bring trouble of some sort, but it is a question of faithfulness and priorities.

The fact is, attending the wedding of an unbeliever to a believer would be akin to giving your assent to that which God has forbidden, which you should not do. Those who are telling you to attend for support don't understand that this is exactly what you should not do. To attend in support of her is the same as attending for support of her marriage Covenant. I mean we can couch it in euphemistic language if we like, but it's still participating in support of that marriage. And this we should not do.

As for the one marrying, if she is insistent upon marrying an unbeliever contrary to God's word, then there is nothing we can do about that except voice our caveats and objections, based upon the scriptures.

Whether she is saved or not, we shouldn't make such personal judgments. We leave that in the hands of the Lord. But we can say that making our calling and election sure requires "evidence" in our lives of His working. The chiefest being that we have an earnest desire to do His will rather than our own. I would prayerfully and lovingly bear witness to these truths to her. Because "planning" on committing sin with the misguided idea that God is going to forgive us afterward is exactly what Paul was warning against when He said,

Romans 6:1-2
  • "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?
  • God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?"

Shall we continue on in a sin because we know grace abounds, or because we know God is Gracious? And the answer is, "God Forbid!" That's not the "evidence" of a true Christian. Turning away from such is evidence. I know people don't like to hear these things, but the truth is always the best medicine. The true Christian should not play the "I know God will forgive me" game with the Lord. For God is not mocked. God is not a man that he can be tempted or deceived, He knows the heart. We should never tempt the Lord.

Luke 4:12
  • " And Jesus answering said unto him, It is said, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God."

Willful sin is a dangerous game to play with God, because no one should ever find occasion to tempt the Lord God, or take Him for granted, or think that he's a kindly old man just wanting to see us happy by winking at our sin. Unfortunately, that's how most Christians think of God, comforted in their own unfaithfulness. But repentance is promised to no one, and "if" a person is not really saved, they should well remember that God is not ridiculed by mere confession of faith. Forgiveness is not manufactured, it's a gift of God, and it's not something to take for granted by willful sin.

Hebrews 12:17
  • "For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears."

Isaac figured the same way, but in the end, though he sought repentance anew, it was not to be found. God will have mercy on whom God will have Mercy. He's not a slave to our sensibilities and connivings. Unfortunately we live in a world where everyone's eyes are on themselves and not on Christ. Therefore they are always falling back on the old "poor me, I'm restrained and unhappy" view, rather than being content and having joy in setting their eyes on obedience to God. The solution is not to do whatever we want and surmise that God will wink at it, but to do what God wants, and find our joy in that. This is the whole duty of man and the whole point of "Being a New Creation." So if one is open to listen to these things, then these are the things that they need to hear.

Nevertheless, if your sister marries this man, then there is nothing you can do but offer your prayers. And you should continue to love her and pray for her and make an extra effort to mend any wounds caused by not attending her wedding. Your prayers to God for her do not go unheard, and perhaps your influence will eventually bring her to a better understanding of what being a "servant" of God entails. Anyway, that's my "opinion" based upon the scriptures I read. We cannot attend such a wedding because being there is being a witness and giving our support and assent to what God has declared unlawful. Being there shows our approval and gives our blessing to the couple. Just as you wouldn't attend a burglary (unlawful act), just because a member of your family was involved, you should not attend a marriage that is unlawful. Obviously!  If it's unlawful (and it is), and you know it, you should not be there, no matter what anyone tells you.


Quote
>>>
To me, that position appears to be a position of compromise concerning the Truth and our actions as believers.   I KNOW my family will be offended and some
<<<

Again, it all boils down to taking our eyes off ourselves, and how we will fare, and placing them on Christ and considering what is pleasing to Him. ie, let us be God pleasers rather than men-pleasers. We love Christ more than even our family.

Matthew 10:37-38
  • "He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
  • And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me."

True Christianity involves sacrifice. We don't throw off the burden and as too heavy, we take up our cross and follow him. We've all had to do things that we didn't relish doing, but the alternative is trampling God's word under foot and turning our back on Christ in order to avoid these personal tribulations. Remember, where our heart is, there will be our treasure.

nosce te ipsum"
 
Peace,
Tony Warren
"I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the Lord; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah. -Psalms 32:5"

Dan

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Re: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2004, 02:57:33 PM »
Christ did go to the cross that grace may abound. Your sister will be fine. Who's more important, your sister, or legalists who don't understand forgiveness? Don't get caught up in the little things. God loves all of us.

cindyw

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Re: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2004, 03:21:47 PM »
Dan,

I was kind of hoping for scripturally based counsel.   What you gave me is 'worldly' counsel IMHO.   As Tony stated in his post, and rightly so, do we use God's grace so that sin may abound?   GOD FORBID,    said Paul.   Was Paul a legalist because he taught separation from the Ungodly deeds of professed believers?   I don't believe so.   In my opinion (which I believe is based upon scriptural truth), we are not to align ourselves with sinful practices.   Yes, I love my sister and have expressed so to her.   If I didn't love my sister, I would care less that her walk with the Lord is going in the direction it is----and I wouldn't have said a word to her.   "I" was the one who witnessed Jesus Christ's Gospel of Grace to her and a friend of hers.   She, in my opinion, expressed true faith and had a repentant confession.   She was even "on fire" for the Lord for a short time.   Unfortunately, I live far from her and our relationship due to the distance and having different mothers, has suffered(familial and Christian).

That's why this is so hard for me.   I believe the Lord used me to bring my sister to Him through the Gospel of Grace.   If I go, I will give the "appearance" that God "winks" on sin/disobedience.   That is my concern-----for my witness and for her to be able to have a correct (not distorted) view of the Lord and His expectations that when we are His, we die to self-----giving up things we "want", or even being persecuted for following Him.   Believe me, I know about unforgiveness.   My family (extended) is real good at holding grudges.   I refuse to walk in unforgiveness, yet I will also not compromise my witness, so in that, I acknowledge I probably will be the recipient of unforgiveness, unfortunately.

Dan, let me ask you a question since you think it unforgiving to NOT attend this wedding.   Do you think it quite ok that someone forces another to go against their GODLY convictions in order to attain something they want and if it doesn't go their way, get mad about it?  In regards to your question on who is more important to me----the Lord is............and that is not debateable.........and that is why I posted and am thankful for those who respond as the LORD would have them according to His Word.   Blessings in Jesus, Cindy

Carmel

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Re: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2004, 09:16:31 PM »

Cindy,

     Please do not belieive that marriage of a Christian to a non-Christian is sin. If it was then when one of the persons comes to Christ out of a pair of unbelievers then they would be living in sin.

 If God can bless a marriage of an unbeliever with a believer after they are married then He can also join them together in marriage. You have not really studied the bible correctly to discover the truth of this.

 Does God join two unbelievers together when they marry? Think about that. Are they all living in sin, and how does the fact of one partner being a Christian make them to be commiting sin by marrying? It would be better and not worse than two unbelievers.

 God sanctifies the whole family of a believer, but the view presented to you here would make that impossible.

 2nd Corinthians 6:14
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"

 This scripture has to do with Christians not joining themselves to idolotors in a church sense or even in a personal sense of accepting idoloters into ones activities of faith. One must not bring the unbeliever into the presence of God and community of the saints except by the door of the Gospel which is the context of the verse and of the teaching of the OT law.

 Go read the OT and you will find many marriages of believers with non-believers which God has blessed.

 It is certainly not wise for a believer to marry someone who is a devil worshipper or even a Maryidoliser, and I certainly would discourage one from marrying a devil worshipper most vigorously but a Maryidoliser is not as bad, but one can always test their intentions by requesting that they leave it before being married and one will soon know.

 The unbeliever who is not into anything evil of Cannan should not be penalised when their love is genuine and the bible treaches this. Will you reserach this or will I have to do it for you?

 You see if you do not understand the truths of this then you may well discourage the believer from trusting in Christ who will think that God has abandoned them when things get difficult.

 The question is whether you want to pray to the Lord and research fully this subject or settle for an incomplete understanding of scripture which will cause harm and possible irretreavable loss.

 Now your problem will be in explaining that they should not marry after that they have lived together when the law of God does state---

Deu 22:28  If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
Deu 22:29  Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.

 quote--My sister who adamantly professes to believe in Jesus Christ as her Lord and savior and even got angry with me when I questioned her faith, is marrying a person who is not a Christian.    Presently she is living with him and has been for quite some time--unquote


1Co 7:6  But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
1Co 7:7  For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
1Co 7:8  I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
1Co 7:9  But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
1Co 7:10  And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
1Co 7:11  But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
1Co 7:12  But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
1Co 7:13  And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

1Co 7:14  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1Co 7:15  But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
1Co 7:16  For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
1Co 7:17  But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.


 

 Carmel.

 

 


 

 

cindyw

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Re: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2004, 10:36:00 PM »
Hello Carmel,

I'm sorry if you got the impression I believe ALLmarriages between believers and unbelievers are sin.   I think you are not properly taking into context I Cor. 7:12.   That says "if any brother HAS(present tense)a wife that believes not", doesn't say if any man marries an unbeliever.   This scenerio is one of a new convert already being married to another who isn't yet converted to Christ.

I've done quite extensive research on the early church practices concerning marriage and it was taught and practiced with some that if one married an unbeliever, it was not even a valid marriage, it was fornication and they were to be cast out of the church as one in a state of sin.   I'm not sure about that stance, but it is worth pondering the topic of what is truly lawful and "joined" by God.   The mindset of the Early Church Fathers was this:   it would be quite unthinkable for a believer to marry an unbeliever, which you will find presented in their writings.

You bring up II Cor. 6:14.   I believe this not only pertains to the assembly of believers, but also the "joining" of a man and woman.   There is nothing more intimate than this type of "yoking".......and irregardless of how "little" a sinner is, LOVE does not conquer all, and a lost person is still lost.   The person who is unsaved is in DARKNESS and the fact remains that they have NO FELLOWSHIP with one who walks in the light.   Can there be strong emotional/physical bonds?   Absolutely.   However, there is ZERO spiritual bond in a relationship like that----which is evidenced by the many marriages of that kind in which believers go through terrible times being married to unbelieves.

You say in the OT God blessed "mixed" unions?   What do you make of Ezra 9-10?   These men in repentance divorced their pagan wives because they married them in disobedience to the Lord's commands.   Also, the scriptural passages you quoted in Deut. 22 do not pertain----for one my sister is not a "virgin", nor was she when she met her husband to be.   For another, NONE of us is under the law-----though my father probably would appreciate the 50 shekels of silver......... ;D

Concerning <<<<<<<<The unbeliever who is not into anything evil of Cannan should not be penalised when their love is genuine and the bible treaches this. Will you reserach this or will I have to do it for you?>>>>>>>>

I will gladly let you research this for me as I don't believe it to be a biblical point of view.   If you know it to be biblical and have scripture to verify it, I would be greatful.   Thank you.  Blessings in Jesus, Cindy

Carmel

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Re: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« Reply #6 on: May 13, 2004, 11:47:01 PM »

 2 Cor.6 says that they are to depart from the relationship but 1 cor.7 says that they are not to.

 The subject matter of each is different.

 I think that you made up your mind before you asked anyone.

judykanova

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Re: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« Reply #7 on: May 14, 2004, 12:22:52 AM »
Quote
Please do not belieive that marriage of a Christian to a non-Christian is sin. If it was then when one of the persons comes to Christ out of a pair of unbelievers then they would be living in sin.

Carmel, you’re talking apples and oranges.  In other words, you’re speaking of a situation AFTER the fact of marriage, and totally overlooking the issue at hand of whether or not it is sinful to willfully and knowingly marry an unbeliever.  So let’s not gloss over the essential truth – which even Cyndy’s sister recognizes, that it indeed IS sinful for a believer to knowingly marry an unbeliever.   


Quote
If God can bless a marriage of an unbeliever with a believer after they are married then He can also join them together in marriage. You have not really studied the bible correctly to discover the truth of this.

What the Scriptures speak of are EXISTING marriages, at a time soon after the cross, when upon hearing the Gospel, one spouse may have become saved.   So here you are wrongfully trying to generalize this principal to ALL situations instead of keeping it in context.


Quote
Does God join two unbelievers together when they marry? Think about that. Are they all living in sin, and how does the fact of one partner being a Christian make them to be commiting sin by marrying? It would be better and not worse than two unbelievers.

You choice or words here are misleading.  It would be better, and more truthfully stated that all legal marriages are RECOGNIZED by God as such.   Moreover, God promises are not extended to unbelievers; indeed the Bible, when you think about it, was written for the benefit of believers (or those elected of God who at some point in their life will be saved).    So here you’re again mixing apples with oranges.  Two non-believers, regardless of what they do…. including marrying, remain OUTSIDE the kingdom of God and are still bound to sin and Satan.  So it is foolish, in this context to speak of which sin is ‘better’  or ‘worse’, for sin is sin.


Quote
God sanctifies the whole family of a believer, but the view presented to you here would make that impossible.

 2nd Corinthians 6:14
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"

This scripture has to do with Christians not joining themselves to idolotors in a church sense or even in a personal sense of accepting idoloters into ones activities of faith. One must not bring the unbeliever into the presence of God and community of the saints except by the door of the Gospel which is the context of the verse and of the teaching of the OT law.

Again, you need to take into account the CONTEXT, which I believe involves the marriage of two unbelievers, one of which at some later point  became saved.  So this has no bearing on the specific situation that Cyndy is speaking of regarding her sister who reportedly is saved, yet willfully and sinfully wants to be ‘unequally yoked’ in marriage with a non-believer.  And if by chance you are saying this verse does not apply to marriage, that would be totally absurd, for what greater bond can be have with another  than that of marriage?  That’s not to say that it doesn’t apply to other relationships, but it most certainly DOES apply to marriage.  To suggest that marriage falls outside of what 2 Cor 6:14 pertains to, is ridiculous!


Quote
Go read the OT and you will find many marriages of believers with non-believers which God has blessed.

Since there are so ‘many’,  perhaps you would be so kind to present us with one situation where God said He ‘BLESSED’ such a marriage.  I don’t recall one.  I do recall situations where God teaches spiritual lessons of what it’s like to be in an UNFAITHFUL marriage – namely His symbolic marriage with an unfaithful church.  But that’s a different issue altogether.


Quote
It is certainly not wise for a believer to marry someone who is a devil worshipper or even a Maryidoliser, and I certainly would discourage one from marrying a devil worshipper most vigorously but a Maryidoliser is not as bad, but one can always test their intentions by requesting that they leave it before being married and one will soon know.

So you yourself draw the line by saying it’s ok for a professed believers to willingly and knowingly marry an non-believer EXCEPT if they are a devil worshipper or a ‘Maryidoliser’ (by this I assume you mean a Catholic?).  So, am I to take it that your PERSONAL rules and opinions of where to draw the line are to be taken more seriously than GOD’S  laws?   Sorry, but your opinion is worthless; whereas God’s laws – the Bible, are priceless, …. whether or whether or not we personally like, understand or approve of them.


Quote
The unbeliever who is not into anything evil of Cannan should not be penalised when their love is genuine and the bible treaches this. Will you reserach this or will I have to do it for you?

It seems to me that this is less a matter or ‘research’  and more a matter of ‘acceptance’.   If you think otherwise, then please point us to something specific and substantial that should be studied more carefully.


Quote
You see if you do not understand the truths of this then you may well discourage the believer from trusting in Christ who will think that God has abandoned them when things get difficult.

The question is whether you want to pray to the Lord and research fully this subject or settle for an incomplete understanding of scripture which will cause harm and possible irretreavable loss.

What are you talking about?  This has nothing to do with the trials and tribulations of life.  We’re taking about willful sin.  It sounds almost like you’re saying that a guilty conscience is a bad thing, when indeed the opposite is true.  For, it at least gives hope that our conscience hasn’t been ‘defiled’  which in turn COULD mean that God has abandoned us.

Act 24:16 
And herein do I exercise myself, to have always a conscience void of offence toward God, and toward men.

Rom 2:14-14
14  For when the Gentiles, which have not the law, do by nature the things contained in the law, these, having not the law, are a law unto themselves:
15  Which shew the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and their thoughts the mean while accusing or else excusing one another;)

Tit 1:15 
Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.

1Pe 2:19 
For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.


It’s quite clear, that if not no other reason, that for Cyndy to attend a wedding  she cannot in ‘good conscience’ approve of, would be, for her, a sin.


Quote
Now your problem will be in explaining that they should not marry after that they have lived together when the law of God does state---

Deu 22:28  If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
Deu 22:29  Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.

Not only are you mixing apples with oranges again, but you’re suggesting here that one sin  (living with a man out of marriage) justifies another.


Quote
1Co 7:6  But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
1Co 7:7  For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
1Co 7:8  I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
1Co 7:9  But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
1Co 7:10  And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
1Co 7:11  But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
1Co 7:12  But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
1Co 7:13  And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
1Co 7:14  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1Co 7:15  But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
1Co 7:16  For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
1Co 7:17  But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.

This passage that you quote and use OUT OF CONTEXT, does NOT justify living with someone out of wedlock.  NEITHER does it supersede what the Lord said about not being ‘unequally yoked’.  You have to consider this passage in light of what the Bible teaches as a WHOLE.  That is to say, that it is better to marry a believer, than to burn with lust for them.  AND, again, with regards to verses 12-13, when taken in proper context, I believe this is speaking about EXISTING marriages before EITHER party became saved.
 
This issue that Cyndy raises is a very difficult one, and quite frankly, I’m not sure what I would personally in the same situation.   But you have done nothing but MISAPPLIED Scripture, and have NOT given any sound Scriptural support for your views.

judy
'For ever, O LORD, thy word is settled in heaven.'   Ps 119:89

Kenneth White

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Re: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2004, 04:50:51 AM »
Hey all,

I have a dilemma which I pretty much know what I should do and probably will do, but want some more counsel.   I know many on this board are not "compromising" Christians, but truly uphold the Word of God as the source of Christian living and decision making---so that's why I come here with this question, because I value your input.

My sister who adamantly professes to believe in Jesus Christ as her Lord and savior and even got angry with me when I questioned her faith, is marrying a person who is not a Christian.  My husband and I have discussed this and feel the same way:   we should not attend the wedding since she profusely professes to be a believer and she is being joined to an unbeliever
 in Jesus, Cindy

I think that you and your husband are thinking biblically, and you can expect a lot of worldly advice like that given by Carmel, that there is nothing wrong with an believer marrying an unbeliever. But that is not in accordance with the bible. One is to marry only a Christian.

 1 Corinthians 7:39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

Only in the Lord. That is to say, only to one who is a Christian; with a proper sense of duty and obligation to Christ so as to avoid obvious inequality of mind and disagreement on serving God, and promoting the glory of God. The same truth is advanced in 2 Cor. 6

 2 Cor. 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

I am utterly amazed sometimes at the stuff that comes out of Christians mouths. It is because of this type of Christian disobedience that God destroyed the first world with a flood (Genesis chapter six). The sons of God began to marry the daughters of men, and it corrupted the earth until God sent a flood to judge.

So I would never attend the wedding of a believer being joined to an unbeliever. That would be a serious offense toward God who has rejected such marriages, and frankly I can't see how any Christian can think otherwise.

Proverbs 1:5-6 "A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels: To understand a proverb, and the interpretation; the words of the wise, and their dark sayings."

Carmel

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Re: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« Reply #9 on: May 14, 2004, 06:08:23 AM »

 
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Carmel, you’re talking apples and oranges.  In other words, you’re speaking of a situation AFTER the fact of marriage, and totally overlooking the issue at hand of whether or not it is sinful to willfully and knowingly marry an unbeliever.  So let’s not gloss over the essential truth – which even Cyndy’s sister recognizes, that it indeed IS sinful for a believer to knowingly marry an unbeliever.

 So you would advise that Cyndys sister should leave the man immediately.

 Jesus did not give that advice--

 (John 4:16-18)  Jesus said to her, "Go, call your husband, and come here." {17} The woman answered and said, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You have well said, 'I have no husband,' {18} "for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly."



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  So, am I to take it that your PERSONAL rules and opinions of where to draw the line are to be taken more seriously than GOD’S  laws?   Sorry, but your opinion is worthless; whereas God’s laws – the Bible, are priceless, …. whether or whether or not we personally like, understand or approve of them.


 Look I know how this works, you give your opinion of my low character and yet ask me for proof of my views which you refuse to acknowledge the real points of that I made, which includes the difference between an idolater to that of other non-believers (in your eyes) who may well be one of the elect, and God knows but you do not. This is why one has to pray and submit ones situation to the Lord which solves all of the problem rather than listen to other people who judge by the law.

 By your judgment Joshua should have broken his word to the Gibeonites and killed them, and

 Samson should not have sought a wife from the Phillistines, even though it was of the LORD and

 Moses should not have married Zipporah and

 Joseph should not have married Egyptian wives.

 and Amnon did right in rejecting Tamar after He had lain with her.

 that David could not make matters right after his adultery.

 In your view there is nothing that can be done after the fact to make matters right except by the ending of anything good that might be there, when setting things right is what they desire to do.

 This couple is living together and you believe that the best course would be to separate, and you also believe that God will not recognise or bless a marriage between a believer and a non-believer.

 Neither do you believe that God can forgive and make good, that which was entered into unadvisedly, which marriage before God would accomplish, so that they would then be as if one had been saved after marriage.

  So you believe that a marriage between two unbelievers is blessed by God.

 OK do you believe that or not, and  is a marriage between people of Islam recognised by God? but not one between a believer and non-believer.

 
 
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from kenneth white---I am utterly amazed sometimes at the stuff that comes out of christians mouths. It is because of this type of christian disobediance that God destroyed the first world with a flood (Genesis chapter six). The sons of God began to marry the daughters of men, and it corrupted the earth until God sent a flood to judge.['quote]

 The earth was corrupted through sins of mans hearts which began with Adam and not by the sons of God (who you think are angels ) marrying the daughters of men, so please refrain from these kind of comments which help no one, the least of all yourself before the Throne.

Carmel.

 



   



jd@

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Re: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« Reply #10 on: May 14, 2004, 06:40:35 AM »
Carmel,

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Please do not belieive that marriage of a Christian to a non-Christian is sin. If it was then when one of the persons comes to Christ out of a pair of unbelievers then they would be living in sin.

The act of marriage would be sin between a Christian and a non-Christian, but they would not be "living in sin" afterwards.  If the Christian comes to her senses and repents, she is not allowed to divorce he husband.  They may be wrong in marrying, but it still means they are married. 

With non-Christians it is different - they can freely marry each other.  Marriage is for all people.  In the bible marriage is instituted even before there is sin.

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Neither do you believe that God can forgive and make good, that which was entered into unadvisedly, which marriage before God would accomplish, so that they would then be as if one had been saved after marriage.
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Go read the OT and you will find many marriages of believers with non-believers which God has blessed.

I certainly can't speak for anyone else on this forum  ;) but I would definitely believe that God can bring good out of anything (it's one of the big themes in the book of Genesis), but that doesn't make it right.  And as has already been said, we don't sin so that grace may abound.  The Jesuits are wrong in saying the end justifies the means.

I think Kenneth was spot on in quoting 1 Cor 7:39 (though I can't vouch for the other stuff he wrote).  "Only in the Lord" - that clinches it for me. 

Having said all that, I'd still attend the wedding...

Colleen

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Re: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« Reply #11 on: May 14, 2004, 07:52:57 AM »
This issue that Cyndy raises is a very difficult one, and quite frankly, I’m not sure what I would personally in the same situation. 

judy

Judy,
   I think we all pretty much expected jd@ to say he'd go to the wedding because he's pretty much unbiblical in everything he says, but I must say that I was surprised to hear you waver on this, having read many of your posts. I don't understand how you could know that this marriage was against God's law, but still strongly imply that you don't know if you wouldn't attend it anyway. Doesn't that seem a little hypocritical? I would never attend something God said was unbiblical. Or maybe I'm reading more into your comment than is warranted? I only reply because it struck me very odd that you would say that you didn't know if you would go or not.

cindyw

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Re: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« Reply #12 on: May 14, 2004, 08:58:26 AM »
Hi Colleen,

Yes, I agree with everything Judy said, but that point stuck out with me too.   Maybe she meant it in the way that I felt and still do feell......I KNOW what to do, but the doing part is the hard part---emotionally anyways.   

Yes Carmel, you are quite right.  Before I even posted, I knew what I HAD to do, but as my husband always says:   in the multitude of counselors, there is safety---Prov. 11:14.  Many times it is a GOOD thing to seek counsel even after you think you've made your mind up.

Carmel, since you think once a person has committed one sin, that it's ok to commit another to rectify the first, my husband gave a good analogy:    a person purchases a ticket to a porn movie.  In your thinking, since they already purchased the ticket (lived in sin), they should go ahead and watch the movie now(get married to an unbeliever)----even knowing it is sin, because they already spent their money on it (invested in this relationship)..................would you condone going into the porno movie after purchasing the ticket?   If so, why?   If not, why not?  Just something to consider.    As Judy said, it's not our "rules" that matter, it's the Lord's.   He does not have differing weights and balances and as a matter of fact, He hates that practice.    We all do it, yet as we grow in knowledge of our Lord and His ways, we need to purge more and more of those inconsistant practices in dealing with differing sins...........Blessings in Jesus, Cindy

PS.   Thanks guys/gals for all your input!

beauty4ashes

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Re: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« Reply #13 on: May 14, 2004, 09:35:26 AM »
Christ loves us unconditionally. We should strive to loves others unconditionally.

She is going to go through some rough times because a divided house does not stand. She will need you.

I can't tell you what to do since you need to make your own decisions...but if it were me
I would support her but let her know I feared for her divided decisions.


cindyw

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Re: Should Believers Marry Unbelievers?
« Reply #14 on: May 14, 2004, 10:03:18 AM »
Christ loves us unconditionally. We should strive to loves others unconditionally.

 She will need you.

but if it were me I would support her but let her know I feared for her divided decisions.

Let me ask you something beauty.   Does love stand in support when someone is about to compound their sin?   Would it be ok for me to be in a car that I knew was a getaway car for my sister who was going to rob a convenience store?   She is about to commit a sin.    Should I be "there" knowing what is about to occur----in order to "support" her?   Wouldn't it be better, if I were not "there" to be a supporter of her sin, but elsewhere, still open to being a shoulder to cry on when she will need comfort down the road?

Truly I find it interesting that people think a person who has Godly convictions should give them up in order to appease those who profess Christ who are entering into KNOWN sin----in order not to offend them.......   That somehow seems very twisted and backwards to me.    :(

 


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