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Author Topic: Church ladies with typewriters!  (Read 1639 times)

JohnDunningUK

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Church ladies with typewriters!
« on: January 21, 2012, 10:45:04 PM »
Just thought I'd share a post made at my own forum the other day that absolutely tickled me pink!  :laugh:

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church
ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS)
actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church
services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon
tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house.. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care
much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow..
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is
Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered..
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use
the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
It's all about Him!

Puritan Heart

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Re: Church ladies with typewriters!
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2012, 02:20:17 PM »
Hello John,
I read this today and had such a gooood, real, belly-aching laugh  :laugh:  Having been raised in (a) church from my mothers womb, I was all too familiar with these oft times hilarious typo-errors in these bulletins. It has been years since I have even seen one of them, however, thank you for this - I shall share it with a few people whom I think might appreciate it.

Alexandra
Habakkuk 3: 17 - 19

JohnDunningUK

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Re: Church ladies with typewriters!
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2012, 03:04:01 AM »
Hello John,
I read this today and had such a gooood, real, belly-aching laugh  :laugh:  Having been raised in (a) church from my mothers womb, I was all too familiar with these oft times hilarious typo-errors in these bulletins. It has been years since I have even seen one of them, however, thank you for this - I shall share it with a few people whom I think might appreciate it.

Alexandra

Glad you enjoyed them, I know I'm still chuckling. :laugh:
It's all about Him!

robinsonalex760

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Re: Church ladies with typewriters!
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2017, 05:17:15 AM »
cool, they are really good ones  :smileyBounce:

 


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